Rejecting Common Narratives

This last minute music teacher gift guide may be different than what you’re thinking. Since transitioning to working at F-flat Books on a more full-time basis, I’ve been planning out our blog content months in advance. This week, I scheduled a post about our top five professional development sessions on our Learn site. 

But, as this week crept closer, it felt wrong to publish it. 

Why? 

This time of year is hard for a music teacher. And, while it’s my first full-time year out of the classroom in 17 years, I still resonate with the crunch and stretch that comes with a season full of concerts, dysregulated kids, extracurricular commitments, and more.

As a business owner, I also feel the constant pull of consumerism and opportunistic marketing. The “squeeze every last drop out of your customer” mentality runs rampant this time of year. Despite the need for sustainable growth, it feels disingenuous to run another sale or make a roundup post in hopes that clicks turn into purchases. Because the truth is that we are fed lies this time of year about how purchasing will make our lives immensely better. We are told that if we get the right item or experience, our worries will melt away. 

It’s just not true. 

I could promise you that taking one of our PD sessions will change your teaching in 2024 or that one of our books may transform your classroom. And, while I believe wholeheartedly in our work, I know that what most of us need right now is not more. We need less. 

So, here is my holiday gift guide for 2023. These are four completely free gifts that you have the power to give yourself over winter break. 

1. Rest

I’m not talking about sleep alone. What does it mean for you to truly rest? When are you the most rested? And, what are threats to your rest? If someone had asked me these questions five years ago when I had three kids under the age of four, I would have laughed. “Rest?! Impossible.” And while rest is more difficult in some seasons than others, it is vital for our wellbeing and can make or break how we re-enter our school year in 2024.

For me, resting is a combination of sleep, reading physical books, and disconnecting from technology. It’s also a release of the many things I tell myself I “have to do” in order to be productive. It’s a letting go of task managing and a prioritization of being still. It’s also a community effort. If I don’t communicate to those around me about how I can rest, my time will inevitably be swallowed up in doing all the things.

So, how can you give yourself the gift of rest this holiday season? Start here: 

  • Spend some time journaling and ponder the question, “What does true rest feel like?”
  • Identify “rest-stealers” and make a plan for embracing more “rest-bringers” during your break.
  • Find practical ways to improve the time you are given to rest by digging into connective activities like reading, writing, crafting, etc.
  • Connect with your family and friends to find ways to support each other to experience rest this break. 

2. Solitude

What is solitude? Solitude implies a lack of socialization, but it isn’t the same as feeling lonely. Pursuing solitude can benefit your mental health and ability to be in highly social situations (like teaching or being surrounded by family at the holidays). This article on solitude shares why there are numerous mental health benefits to pursuing solitude. Solitude is hard to come by in our day and age, but I promise that pursuing solitude will reap immense benefits.

Each year, I do a technology fast in the summer and am always reminded just how bad I am at embracing solitude. I will distract myself with social media, tasks, people, and many other things before I lean into the pursuit of being alone with my thoughts. 

In this conversation with Dr. Kimberly McGlonn, we talk about the pursuit of solitude and why it’s so necessary for teachers. So, how can you give yourself the gift of solitude this holiday season? Here are some ideas that work for me. 

  • Find ten or fifteen quiet minutes in the morning before you would normally wake. Use that time to sip a hot beverage and meditate, pray, or just quiet your mind without any distractions. 
  • Take a walk in nature without any tech. 
  • Schedule a date with yourself to do something creative that you’ve been putting off like songwriting or playing an instrument you love and have missed. 
  • Establish expectations and boundaries with family members for protecting alone time during the holidays. 

3. Laughter and Play

Give yourself the gift of laughter. When was the last time you laughed? I mean, really laughed? If you know me personally, you’ll know that I’m an easy laugh. Having a sense of humor is a deep connection point for me, and I love surrounding myself with funny people. (My colleague Chelsea and I would belly laugh every single day that we taught together and it’s still something that I miss.) Laughter and play go hand-in-hand.

As educators, we spend so much time helping kids be kids that we often forget to experience the transformative joy of play ourselves. What would it look like if you prioritized laughter and play during this break? How can you give yourself this gift? Begin here:

  • Finding humor and connection with others often starts with being present. During this break, find ways to be present in conversations and embrace the joy and hilarity of the human experience with the ones that you love. 
  • Research comedic shows and movies and pick one or two to watch. Try to avoid scrolling or doing work while watching (I’m preaching to the choir here!) and truly be present in the moment. 
  • Find a live event centered on laughter. In my city (Philly), I personally love going to inexpensive neighborhood comedy shows and watching live stories at The Moth. If there aren’t any live events happening during your break, you could always listen to a podcast or a comedy album while going for a walk. 
  • Identify your favorite ways to play as a child. How could you replicate those as an adult? Could you make a sculpture out of play-doh? Call some friends for a pickup basketball game at the park? Find a board game that you haven’t played in years? 

4. Connection

This might be the best gift of all that is completely free and will change how you approach 2024. How can you use this time to take space away from the things that disconnect or lead to extra stress? For me, I know that my time spent on social media can quickly veer into negative territory. While I love seeing what others are doing during their break, I can often look at others’ stories and feel lonely, left out, or experience imposter syndrome.

All of these feelings disconnect me from the present and take my brain elsewhere. Similarly, obsessively checking email can cause me to lose the connection I have with people around me and lose connection with myself. 

Who do you wish you had more time to connect with during this break? If you ponder this question, I’m sure that the answer is not your school admin or strangers on social media (no shade if it is!). Ask yourself, how am I setting myself up for connection and/or disconnection by the way I spend my time? 

I tend to have a hard time turning off my brain as a small business owner. Everything can feel mission critical (eBooks are never critical, I keep reminding myself), and it’s easy to let work bleed into life and life bleed into work. This holiday season, I need to make a concerted effort to think about how I’m connecting with others and disconnecting from spaces that do not serve me. Here are some ways that we can gift ourselves connection:

  • Make a list of friends and family you’d like to connect with that you struggle to reach during the school year. Schedule a few phone, walk, or coffee dates. 
  • Consider deleting email off your phone or turning off all notifications for a time. Set boundaries around screen time and scroll time. 
  • Look for in-person activities that are rooted in human connection. I love ice skating at public rinks in my city or joining others in social music-making that has nothing to do with teaching, like an open mic night or karaoke. 

Take Care

The next time the internet screams at you to BUY or INVEST or PURCHASE to feel whole, I hope you can pause and remind yourself that you are more valuable than any item you acquire. Giving yourself the gift of rest, solitude, laughter, and connection this holiday season is a greater investment than any single purchase. 

Take care in knowing that the work you do all year is endlessly valuable and that you are too valuable to take for granted during these small but mighty breaks.

What would you add to this list? Do you have a gift that you give yourself during breaks from school? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash